MartinLeeGore.com Wear Shorts Act

Martin Lee Gore Must Wear Shorts Act of 2002 (16 US 470)*

PUBLIC LAW 09-19 - July 23, 2002
Public Law 09-19
104th Congress

AN ACT
To ensure that Martin Lee Gore must wear shorts at all times, when out in public.

Be it enacted by the Senate and House of Representatives of the United States of America in Congress assembled.

Short Title Section 1
This Act may be cited as the "Martin Lee Gore Must Wear Shorts Act of 2002".

Findings and Purpose Section 2

(a) The Congress finds that-

(1) Martin Lee Gore looks absolutely incredible in a pair of shorts;

(2) Martin Lee Gore has been seen wearing pants entirely too often in recent years, especially while performing onstage; and

(3) existing Federal laws do not provide adequate force to prevent Martin Lee Gore from wearing pants in public.

(b) The purpose of this Act is to secure, for the present and future benefit of the American people, the sight of Martin Lee Gore in a pair of shorts at all possible times.

Definitions Section 3

As used in this Act-

(1) the term "Martin Lee Gore" refers to the individual, born Martin Lee Gore, in
London, England on July 23, 1961. Who is currently the songwriter for and
member of the superior musical group, hereto known as "Depeche Mode".
Martin Lee Gore is a current resident of the United States of America.

(2) The term "shorts" refers to the item of clothing worn on the lower half of an
individual?s body, covering the torso below the waist line, and partial
covering of the legs. These shorts shall not extend below the knee of Martin
Lee Gore, but may be as short as preferred by Martin Lee Gore.

(3) The term "in public" refers to all the time Martin Lee Gore spends outside of
his dwelling. This includes the times at which: he is outdoors on his
own property, going to the mailbox, working in the studio, photo sessions,
performing onstage, running errands, or AT ANY time a camera
is present and photographs are being taken of Martin Lee Gore.

(4) The term "at all times" refers to the amount of time Martin Lee Gore will be
subjected to wearing shorts when out in public.

Prohibited Acts and Criminal Penalties Section 4

(a) Martin Lee Gore is prohibited from wearing anything other than shorts to cover the lower portion of his body while out in public.

(b) If Martin Lee Gore knowingly violates the prohibition contained in subsection (a) of this section shall, upon conviction, be fined not more than $10,000 or imprisoned not more than one year, or both.

(c) The prohibitions contained in this section shall take effect on the date of the enactment of this Act.

Rewards; Forfeiture Section 5

(a) Upon the certification of the Federal agent concerned, the Secretary of the Treasury is directed to pay from penalties and fines collected under section 4 an amount equal to one-half of such penalty or fine, but not to exceed $500, to any person who furnishes information which leads to the finding of a Martin violation, with respect to which such penalty or fine was paid. If several persons provided such information, such amount shall be divided among such persons. No officer or employee of the United States or any State or local government who furnishes information or renders service in the performance of his official duties shall be eligible for payment under this subsection.

(b) All clothing items with respect to which a violation of subsection (a) of section 4
occurred and which are in the possession of Martin Lee Gore, in connection with
such violation, may be (in the discretion of the court or administrative law judge,
as the case may be) subject to forfeiture to the United States upon-

(1) Martin Lee Gore's conviction of such violation under section 4,

(2) a determination by any court that such clothing items were involved in
such violation.

Report Section 6

As part of the annual report required to be submitted by the specified committees of the Congress pursuant to section 5(c) of the Act of June 27, 1960 (74 Stat. 200; 16 U.S.C. 469-469a), the Secretary of Martin's Exterior shall comprehensively report as a separate component on the activities carried out under the provisions of this Act, and she shall make such recommendations as she deems appropriate as to change or improvements needed in the provisions of this Act.

*This is NOT a real act (although I wish it was)! I scammed the basic outline and language from the Archaeological Resources Protection Act of 1979. I'm an archaeologist, not a lawyer (but I thought this would give you all a laugh).